


Too hot (hot damn)

by idioticfangirl



Series: The Avengers Team-Building Shenanigans [42]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1 Things, But they're sweethearts really, Hitting on People, M/M, Protective Team, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Feels, Team Fluff, Threats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 07:11:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8523475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idioticfangirl/pseuds/idioticfangirl
Summary: Or, five times people got mad at Wade for trying to hit on Peter, and one (surprising) time they didn't





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FangirlOfPower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlOfPower/gifts).



The first time it happened was the first time they met him.

Nick could see this whole thing going incredibly wrong. He had had extensive discussions with Xavier, with Coulson, with absolutely anyone who could prevent this from happening, but all conversations led the same way. The Avengers.

So it was with a slightly heavy heart that he held the meeting, calling Scott and Steve to speak to him privately and immediately. They left for his office, ignoring Clint's taunts of "oooh you're in trouble," and trying to work out what could possibly involve the two of them and only the two of them.

"Captain Rogers, Mr Lang," Fury nodded cordially, his polite introduction only serving to heighten the tension. "I have a proposition for the Avengers, but first I would like to hear your thoughts on it." The two listened with interest. "There have been talks of introducing a new member to the team. Scott, as the resident new kid, we want you to think about it. Captain," he turned to Steve, "I'm not going to lie. I'm not happy about this. It's only a trial, to see how it goes. But, it is my utmost pleasure to introduce -"

"Waddup?" Wade Wilson waltzed into the room, pointing finger guns at Steve. "Just in the interest of honesty, Spiderman is super hot."

Scott was still groaning that they had to have Deadpool, of all people, on their team, although his complaints were fruitless because Fury had taken Wade's arrival as his cue to leave, but Steve was on red alert, and noticed what Wade had said. Before Deadpool could begin another smartass comment (which just goes to show how fast Steve moved), he was standing directly in front of him, drawing himself into the very essence of Captain America as he growled.

"You touch a member of my team without their express permission, and I, personally, will make sure you wish you can't regenerate."

"He means it," Scott stood next to Steve, somehow his lanky structure not taking anything away from the terrifying sight of Steve angry, "He really, really means that buddy. And so do I! I will make you swallow me, and I will fuck you up from the inside."

"You can't touch me," Wade smirked.

"Wanna try me?" it was barely a whisper, but the smirk faltered. 

"I'm just gonna...back away slowly."

 

The next time it happened, Wade thought he had been so careful. Looking around surreptitiously to ensure that Steve was nowhere to be found, he muttered to Sam, who seemed the friendliest of the group, "Okay but it Spidey with Pietro?"

"Yes," Sam pivoted slowly to face him, "and staying that way. If I have to bust your ass to get it like that."

"Bet I can split them up," Wade sing-songed, ignoring Sam's threat. Suddenly a hulking shadow loomed over him, and an unnescessarily large hand clapped onto his shoulder.

"I know," Thor boomed, looking (in Wade's words) godly as shit, "that you didn't just threaten my comrades relationship. I know it."

Wade pulled away so fast he almost got whiplash, squeaking as he went, "Nope!"

 

In Wade's defense, the next time it happened he didn't even start it. He'd been minding his own business, trying to be helpful so that the Avengers let him join because seriously, these guys take destruction to the next level, when Wanda cornered him, telling him, "I can feel that you find Peter attractive. It's disturbing."

"I concur," Vision, we seemed to creepily appear at the worst possible moment for Wade, popped up.

"C'mon, guys, again? I've been through this! You can't hurt me, so come on now, don't look at me like -" he dropped to the floor in pain, clutching at his head.

"Get inside my brothers' happiness, I get inside your head," Wanda threatened, red energy sparking at her fingertips.

"You may believe that you are indestrucible, Mr Wilson, but I think that the power of the mind gem may prove otherwise."

"Mind powers? Really?" Wade complained, still curled up on the floor as the two elegantly walked away.

 

Okay, so he deserved it the fourth time. Wade had been, quite unashamedly, admiring Peter's ass, when Tony slapped him on the back of the head. 

"Dude, no. Stop," Tony ordered, although Wade was still struggling to tear his gaze away.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Wade pointed out, "You don't even have powers." His tone was taunting, but for once Tony refused to rise to the bait.

"I built this entire goddamn suit and you think I can't build something to hold you?"

"Oh no, an engineer, I'm terrified."

"It's not like I'm alone, though," Tony pointed out, waving a screwdriver (he seemed to produce the things from thin air) as he did so.

"You mean him?" Wade pointed incredulously at Bruce, who was sitting cross-legged on a sofa watching a cooking channel.

"He means the other guy!" Bruce called back, almost jovially, "The one that dreams of destroying everything! Especially your scrawny little ass!"

"I still can't believe the hulk enjoys knitting," Wade groaned, but he managed to keep his eyes off Peter, so it was counted as a win for Tony.

 

Just when Wade thought he was straight, Clint, Natasha and Bucky materialised out of the ether, surrounding Wade.

"What is it with this team and coming out of nowhere?" He complained, glaring bitterly at each of them in turn. "You guys do realise assassins don't scare me, right?"

"Nat should," Clint folded his arms.

"We all should," Nat finished for him.

"I mean, my arm is more indestructable than your body," Bucky raised his eyebrows, and Wade gulped.

"Technically, that makes no sense, but I graciously accept your point and I'm just gonna go," he ran.

 

Surprisingly, the two that didn't give Wade a hard time were the two that he was most prepared for. Or so he thought, until he walked into the kitchen to see Peter leaning seductively on a fridge.

"So I hear you think I'm hot," he smirked, and Wade resisted the urge to turn on his heel and walk right back out, only because he was in dire need of caffeine. So instead, he settled for screaming,

"Again?" 

Peter said nothing, continuing to stare at Wade until he suddenly realised something. "Wait, you can't give me the "if you hurt him I'll hurt you" talk about yourself, where's your boyf -" the breath was knocked out of him as Pietro ran into him.

"If you hurt him, I'll kill you," Pietro announced, standing over Wade's body.

"Seriously, not gonna go there," Wade panted. Pietro gave him a once-over, eying him suspiciously before nodding and reaching an arm out to help him up.

Once Wade was up, Pietro grinned. "We're good then. Welcome to the team."

"Seriously, it was that easy?"

Pietro rolled his eyes, clapping Wade on the back as he leaned in and whispered, "Well yeah, it's not like I can blame you."

Wade watched the two of them leave, hi-fiving the rest of the team as they went, and decided that while this was going to be many things, boring was not one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> So, guys. Real talk. This series is, what, over 40 fics long by now? And I love writing it, I really do, and I am definitely going to finish the other 38 I have requested, if it takes me an entire goddamn lifetime, as long as you want me to. But idk, is this getting boring or repetitive? Want me to get a co-writer with a new writing style? Just let me know guys


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